As pandemic testing becomes more sophisticated, a creepy song from the ’80s takes on new and ominous relevance. “Every breath you take I’ll be watching you,” warned The Police, and now that an emergency use authorization has been issued by the FDA for a new three-minute COVID-19 breathalyzer test, it appears they weren’t joking.
My first reaction to that news was ill-informed, I’ll admit. So we’ve been wearing masks in long-term care for two-plus years, and now we’re being asked to smell each other’s breath? Fantastic.
Fortunately, further research revealed that’s probably not how the technology works. It’s apparently a sophisticated carry-on size device requiring an operator with specialized training, and uses breath samples to detect chemicals associated with the virus.
I don’t exactly know how this breathalyzer testing will be operationalized in a facility, but I assume it will go something like this: You’ll be walking down a hall doing your job, and a supervisor will suddenly tap you on the shoulder and ask you to step to the side and stop. You’ll then have a flashlight shined in your eyes and be mandated to breathe into a vial, then to walk a dotted line and touch your nose. The rumor that your car won’t start and the facility doors won’t open until you blow negative remains unconfirmed.
The good news is that this innovative device is proving remarkably fast and accurate. A study reported by McKnight’s found it identified more than 91% of positive samples, and nearly 100% of negative ones. But, and here’s the bad news, the FDA recommends that any positive result should be confirmed with a PCR test, so chances are you’ll still end up with a sharp object in your brain.
With the long-term care profession already facing staffing shortages and an impending regulatory wallop, leaders and staff are hyperventilating anyway. So we may as well hand them each a vial and leverage all that extra breath for the common good.
Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, a two-time national Silver Medalist and three-time regional Gold and Silver Medal winner in the Association of Business Press Editors (ASBPE) awards program, as well as an Award of Excellence honoree in the APEX Awards. He’s been amusing, inspiring, informing and sometimes befuddling long-term care readers worldwide since the end of a previous century. He is a writer and video producer for Consonus Healthcare Services in Portland, OR.
The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.
