More regulation desperately needed

After a particularly painful experience at a local restaurant, an irate friend of mine feels strongly that heat descriptions for spicy meals should be nationally monitored and controlled. But since I spend my life in and around the long-term care profession — one of the most heavily regulated in the universe — I'm skeptical.

He came back

There's a legendary photo of General Douglas MacArthur wading ashore upon a heroic return to the Philippines in World War II, and that's what popped into my mind recently when I saw an elderly gentleman walk triumphantly into the dining room of a post-acute rehab facility.

Toss me overboard

Last time we talked, it was peppers and hooch. Now it's liquor and prostitutes. As a long-term care professional, I imagine you're wondering what you've done wrong to encourage this trending moral free-fall in your facilities. But let me put your mind at ease. It's not you. It's me.

Peppers and hooch

You are correct. "Peppers and Hooch" does sound like a bad buddy cop show from the '80s. But in the world of Nebraskan long-term care, the lethal combination could be threatening the whole profession.

Stars upon thars

It's notoriously difficult, not to mention foolish, to try to predict the future of long-term care in America. In all of our nation's recorded history, only one man can lay claim to true prescience on this topic. His name? Dr. Seuss.

Naked crowd-funding — the salvation of long-term care

Crowdfunding isn't the only way to raise money for a good cause, though it has recently netted one provider 60 televisions. Nudity is also an ever-attractive option.

What to do with the wanderer

My very adorable, but now elderly puppy has developed a serious problem with wandering. The last time, he was almost hit by a truck. It's rather troubling, to say the least. But long-term care providers may have shown me the way.

Coming out old

Growing old is a choice. I realize that now. But it took some straight talk from neurosurgeon and likely Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson to help me see the light.

LeavingAge

I'm feeling extremely unsettled lately. On edge. Anxious. It's not the threat of rising sea levels, or the erosion of public confidence in the integrity of Nightly News anchors, or the possibility that my hard-earned Four Star Rating might suddenly become a three. It's something far scarier than all those things combined. Larry Minnix is retiring.

Half of what I say is meaningless

That headline will only make sense if you were either alive or conscious during the 1960s, or care about good music. It's a lyric from a Beatles song, written by John Lennon for his mother, Julia. And it just happens to describe how I feel right now, trying to write something meaningful about an entirely different Julia.

Things I Think

Things I Think is written by longtime industry columnist Gary Tetz, who resides in Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.

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