Inconvenient tears

How dare you, Patrick! And just when my day was going so well.

Of mice and men — and beer

Over a beer one day, tipsy researchers decided to study ... beer. Now, before you install a keg in every nurses' station in every memory care unit, you should know that they didn't exactly determine it was a cure-all for cognitive decline. But they did conclude that the study itself was a darn good idea, and one they intend to repeat every Friday afternoon indefinitely. Just to confirm their results, you understand. For the good of science.

Froyo funding for long-term care

I have been blessed with an astute business mind, and am always on the lookout for new pricing models for long-term care. I know we're in this profession for love, not money. But no margin, no mission, as they say. Which is much better than what they used to say — no profit, no point.

The beauty of bad publicity

When I saw the New York Times article illuminating the clever ways devious operators could inflate their Medicare star ratings, I had mixed emotions ranging from fury to rage.

Stress helps wound care — at least if you're a mouse

Lost in all the recent hubbub about the Ebola virus, Justin Bieber going to anger management class and a guy eating a nursing home resident's pain patch, is breaking news from the exciting world of stress, mice, science and skin.

Hey, did ya hear the one about the quasi-experimental humor therapy study?

Have you ever heard an eldercare researcher tell a joke? It can be a painful experience. No simple knock-knock. No guy walking into a bar.

Onward and upward — what's motivating your job change?

After stealthily observing long-term care professionals in the wild for the past 15 years or so, I've come to see you as a perplexing and elusive study in contrasts. Perhaps you haven't noticed me. I've been conducting my research from a camouflaged duck blind in the lobby.

Don't be so humble — it's Canada D'eh!

Here's what I've decided. Canada is the long-term care employee of the world.

3D-printed food — coming soon to a long-term care dining room near you

Those Germans. They're even hungrier than caterpillars. After mastering the culinary artistry of Zwiebelkuchen, Schupfnudel, Maultaschen and Käsespätzle, which I'm not even going to bother defining because I'm so exhausted from figuring out how to type an umlaut, they've turned their prowess to creating 3D-printed food for residents in 1,000 German retirement homes.

Stop thinking — and eat a mango

Everyone struggles with who they are and their purpose in life. Whatever you do — whether you're a long-term care administrator, director of nursing, med aide or maintenance associate — you're pondering it. We all are. But some things aren't necessarily meant to get all figured out.

Things I Think

Things I Think is written by longtime industry columnist Gary Tetz, who resides in Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.


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