Life after floss

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Gary Tetz
Gary Tetz

So, now we learn that flossing is probably useless. It's not even recommended anymore. The government said so.

I'm not sure that news really matters much in long-term care, where dental health has historically been a bit of an afterthought, or sometimes even the afterthought that comes after the afterthought

But it's certainly important to me, because what else isn't true?

For years, I've believed gravity holds me to the earth. But now, because of this flossing fiasco I question it, and never go anywhere without first sewing weights into my trousers and gripping a handrail.

Speaking of Earth, what shape is it? Last week, I thought I knew. Today, in the post-floss era, no idea. Not a clue. Though if I happen to accidentally lose my pants, let go of the handrail and sail into orbit, I'll be sure to let you know what I see from space.

It's not the downfall of flossing itself that is so troubling. I didn't do it anyway, and neither did you. It's what it represents at this point in our nation's history — yet another loss of innocence, a final nail in the coffin of unbiased expertise and credible authority.

Speaking of coffins, I'm no longer even sure death is real. Maybe all those people running around telling us to live life to the fullest and treasure every moment are just failed floss purveyors trying to sell another scam. It's just something to think about, especially if you happen to live near Gary, Indiana.

Fortunately, one scientific assertion is still unassailable fact — that red wine contributes to heart health. Flossing may be pointless, gravity may be a hoax, the Earth may be flat, eternal life may be all there is, but wine …

Wine is forever.

Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, a national Silver Medalist and regional Gold Medal winner in the 2014 Association of Business Press Editors (ASBPE) awards program. He has amused, informed and sometimes befuddled long-term care readers worldwide since his debut with the former at the end of a previous century. He is a multimedia consultant for Consonus Healthcare Services in Portland, OR.


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Things I Think

Things I Think is written by longtime industry columnist Gary Tetz, who resides in Portland, OR. Since his debut with at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.