August 12, 2011

Time to pick your fantasy teams for ... funding

Now that we know there will indeed be an NFL season, fantasy football leagues are roaring into shape around the land. I would have loved to be in the “war room” to hear the give-and-take for drafting teams of another kind recently. That would be the Democrat and Republican teams for the Deficit Reduction Super Committee Bowl, er, negotiations. They're going to decide what is to be sacrificed on the way to $1.2 trillion or more in funding cuts over the next decade.

What comes out of this scrum — and it must also be compared to a grunting rugby match for the next three-plus months — could have a profound impact on long-term care providers, and millions of other Americans.

Who was on bended knee, pleading with Nancy Pelosi to get into the game? How many fifths of Scotch with personal notes mysteriously popped up on John Boehner's desk? On the other hand, who swallowed their tongues and pulled down the window shades, fearful that being picked for this high-profile committee could become the equivalent of being seated on the OJ Simpson murder trial jury?

Clearly, some would tackle the challenge with more gusto than others. Hopefully, some day we'll learn the back story for why the winners made the cut, and why the also-rans didn't. Until then, we'll have to settle for the play-by-play we'll inevitably get from too many talking heads and frantic scribes in just about every medium imaginable.

I'm listing below the players to keep an eye on (no doubt they'll be bringing along their own personal entourages to keep them at their best throughout the competition):

Team Republican

Rep. Jeb Hensarling (TX) — Captain

Rep. Dave Camp (MI)

Rep. Fred Upton (MI)

Sen. Jon Kyl (AZ)

Sen. Pat Toomey (PA)

Sen. Rob Portman (OH)

Team Democrat

Sen. Patty Murray (WA) — Captain

Rep. James Clyburn (SC)

Rep. Chris Van Hollen (MD)

Rep. Xavier Becerra (CA)

Sen. John Kerry (MA)

Sen. Max Baucus (MT)

I'm not sure of any of their times in the 40-yard dash, but I can personally vouch that Baucus was a heck of a distance runner in his earlier days in Congress.

Should Al Franken have been named to Team Democrat, if only to add some tales of his show business days when the negotiations grind to a halt?

Maybe Michele Bachmann should have gotten the nod for the Republicans. She could serve tea when needed.

I'm just disappointed a certain Tennessee congressional election went the wrong way. Otherwise, Team Republican could have drafted Zach Wamp. Now there's a short, sweet name with punch. Zach! Wamp!

With 435 U.S. Representatives and 100 U.S. Senators, the possible permutations of teams are mind-boggling … It brings us to the question of the day: Who would your fantasy draft include?