Here’s a question that just popped unwelcome into my idle mind. When time taps me on the shoulder and beckons toward a long-term care facility, what should I pack?
At my advancing age, it’s not just hypothetical, and I should probably keep a bag ready. As to its contents, I’ve only settled on one item for certain — a salt shaker. Even if I have to smuggle it in like a drug mule, against doctor’s orders, I’m bringing one and using it.
No matter what medical conditions I have, or the consequences of violating dietary guidelines, I’m salting my food. When clinicians gather at my bedside and puzzle aloud over my mysteriously elevated blood pressure, I’ll just sit there in smug, silent rebellion.
Salt and I have had a long, meaningful relationship, starting as a boy in primitive Canada. For reasons still unclear, my friends and I chipped chunks off the colorful salt blocks set out for the horses, and licked them with delight (the salt, not the horses). Looking back now, I think we can all agree that just seems … weird.
More recently and unsurprisingly, my blood pressure has crept up to actionable levels, and salt is strongly discouraged. Being still of sound mind and respectful of science, I’ve been more or less compliant.
But tuck me into a nursing home bed, with a little dementia thrown in, and all bets are off.
It seems unfortunate that after leading rich and flavorful lives, many seniors end up in our facilities under strict salt-arrest. I know such restrictions are well-intended, but maybe doctors should relax a bit, in the name of quality of life.
Living a bland dietary existence must make everything else residents are going through seem even worse. No wonder they lose interest — and weight.
That’s why, when my time comes, you can take away my home, freedom and life as I’ve known it. But you’re not getting my salt shaker.
Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, a national Silver Medalist and regional Gold Medal winner in Humor Writing in the 2014 American Society of Business Publication Editors (ASBPE) awards program.
From the February 01, 2019 Issue of McKnight's Long-Term Care News
