John O’Connor

I run into Victor most mornings, when our dogs are out.

Victor’s the kind of neighbor you’d like to have. Takes care of his family, takes care of his house and almost always has a funny story or two to share.

But he hasn’t been his usual self lately. As it happens, his 83-year-old Ukrainian mother still lives in Kyiv, which, if you have been following the news, is not exactly where the cool kids are heading for Spring Break.

But she insists her apartment is safe, and she doesn’t expect an invading Russian Army will give her a hard time.

Victor’s not quite so sure. So he’s more-or-less constantly on the phone, trying to figure out what’s happening in her world.

I asked him why his mother refuses to budge from what might soon be harm’s way.

“To her, it’s home,” he replied. And even though some unusual urban renewal activities are reshaping the neighborhood, she does have a point. All her friends live nearby. She has plenty of activities to do (or at least did until recently), and she is surrounded by a lifetime of memories and comfortable routine.

Leave for another place where everything feels different and strange? That’s just not going to happen.

Now if conditions continue to deteriorate — and it sure looks like they will — she’ll move. But only if she absolutely must. In which case, she will have something in common with many nursing home residents.

Most if not all your facility’s occupants never wanted to end up where they now reside. Many have had to deal with heartbreaking physical and mental challenges. They know they are well into life’s endgame.

Yes, a skilled care setting might be the best and safest place for them to be. But the cost is high. And I don’t just mean financially. For your occupants, the new routine is a very different experience from the life they have known — and lost.

So the next time one of your residents acts out, or seems unusually grumpy, or is pressing on your last nerve, try to remember this: That person has been through it.

Most residents would gladly return to where they were before, if only they could. Even if such a move might appear to be more than a little unsafe.

 John O’Connor is Editorial Director for McKnight’s.