Oh, annual survey,
You stress me so,
No matter how we prepare,
I’ll dread you, though …

Despite skills labs, process reviews,
And competency checks
For some reason at survey time
I fret a big hex

I’ve made my audit list,
I’ve checked it twice,
And, like Santa …
Know which staff is naughty or nice!

I keep Tums in my top drawer,
Maalox in the bottom,
Aspirin and Motrin …
You bet, I’ve got ’em!

You never know, when
Surveyors will arrive —
Six a.m. on a Sunday
Or a Monday at five?

One year they came
At a holiday party,
Leaving staff to scatter,
Drawing boos (quite hearty).

No matter what we do,
We never feel ready,
We’ll get the blues
And feel unsteady

And then when it’s over,
And we get few citations,
I’ll say, “I knew it!”
And give out profuse,
Well-deserved, beaming, proud,
smiling … congratulations!

Just keeping it real,

Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC, Senior Director of Clinical Innovation and Education for Mission Health Communities, LLC and an APEX Award of Excellence winner for Blog Writing. Vance is a real life long-term care nurse. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. The opinions supplied here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of her employer or her professional affiliates.