Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC

Well, another week is gone by with another round of Zoom meetings. And I’ll be honest: I’m as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles! Let me explain. 

Zooms are virtual meetings where you are supposed to see each other, right? And during the work week, most of the people I am Zooming with are at work. So, I know they are dressed and are reasonably well attired. So why do they have their video cameras set to “off”? All you see is a black box. Like, are they in a witness protection program or something? Ah, yes, only humans can make social interaction awkward when social interaction isn’t even allowed.

And for goodness sakes, doesn’t anyone understand how to mute? You’re in the middle of something important and suddenly you’re hearing someone’s personal conversation. And, work or not, sometimes they are really personal. Like, TMI! Like, not muting your mic is the new accidental “reply all”!

And those who do have their videos on, do they realize we can see them? Clacking away on the computer, talking on phones, and eating — EATING! Please, if you must, at least chew with your mouth closed, people, or just wait for the meeting to be over and eat. Or eat before. Novel idea, eh? 

Let’s face it, Zoom meetings have transformed overnight from virtual meetings to a form of entertainment. Especially for people working from home. Yes, I’m talking about cats now. Seriously, how do the cats know a virtual meeting is taking place and know just when to pounce on the computer to get face time or tail time? Dogs don’t do that. What dogs do is wait until it’s your turn to unmute and then they decide to go insane and start barking at the squirrel outside the window. 

Oh, and how about the sayings on the mugs and glasses — because we’re all drinking during the Zoom, of course. You have to be careful, guys and gals. There was this one young lady who was drinking from a glass, and all I could see for the most part was “I Love Intercourse,” and I’m aghast and like, “Gee, she seemed so sweet and innocent.” She finally drained the glass and I saw the last word: Pennsylvania. Ohhhhhh, “I Love Intercourse, Pennsylvania.” As in the 1,274-person unincorporated village. OK, makes sense now. 

Now for that last awkward moment between resting “I’m listening face” between “saying goodbye face” and trying to figure out how to leave the meeting. We’re all like the “Brady Bunch” family smiling and waving at each other while fumbling our way to the “leave meeting” button. 

Ah, the fun of live virtual meetings. Guess that’s why so many go into the “witness protection program” on Zoom.  But then again, hiding behind your initial or a black silhouette defeats the purpose of the live video call, people!

Just keeping it real,

Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC, Senior Director of Clinical Innovation and Education for Mission Health Communities, LLC and an APEX Award of Excellence winner for Blog Writing. Vance is a real-life long-term care nurse. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. The opinions supplied here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of her employer or her professional affiliates.