The Adorable Care Act
I'll never forget where I was when I learned that the centerpiece of the bill, the mandate that all Americans must buy health insurance and broccoli, had been struck down. I was sitting in my little red writing chair drinking coffee and watching CNN.com. I will also never forget where I was when I heard that the first report was completely wrong — exactly where I was before, since only two minutes had passed. Then came the excuses and backpedalling, followed by the endless “Dewey Defeats Truman” media gaffe comparisons. It definitely wasn't a good day to be “the most trusted name in news.”
So what happens now? I'm guessing many of those who support Obamacare will inevitably be disappointed in some way by it, and those shouting for repeal with veins of rage popping out of their necks might end up liking it. That's because most of us don't even know what's in the bill — it's longer than War and Peace, after all — so we tend to just repeat what other people have written or said. It would be a lot easier for both sides if we all stopped trying to comprehend or fight it, and just did whatever we're told. But sadly, this isn't Canada.
Of course, ACA evangelists fervently believe that if every American citizen, employer and long-term care provider just got to know the bill, to truly understand it, they would immediately see its infinite wisdom. But sadly, all people really pay attention to these days are YouTube videos of cats, especially if it's a mommy cat hugging her fussy newborn. If only President Obama had had the foresight to call it the Adorable Care Act, and then link it to a video of an extremely surprised kitten, maybe all this counterproductive, partisan fuss could have been avoided.
Oh well. What's done is done. At least now the hard part is over, and he can relax and take a good long lemonade break before tying up the last loose ends of some pesky little tasks like keeping Europe together, saving the world economy, creating a few million American jobs out of thin air and raising the $1 billion necessary to get himself reelected.
Then he'll be able to finally — finally! — devote all his energy to advancing the cause closest to my own heart and head: the Affordable Hair Act. Because I happen to believe that hair is just that: a right, not a privilege.
Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, who cobbles these pieces together from his secret lair somewhere near the scenic, wine-soaked hamlet of Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.