Thank you for not yolking

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Gary Tetz
Gary Tetz
I had a newspaper in one hand and an Egg McMuffin in the other when I got the news, and I dropped them both like they were deadly poison. Canadian researchers have apparently determined that eating an egg yolk is almost as bad for your health as smoking a cigarette.

I like my eggs over easy, but this information won't be so easy to get over.

I'm angry and bitter, and filled with questions. Like has anyone ever studied whether reading the journal Atherosclerois,  where the findings were published, can also cause atherosclerosis? Shouldn't Canadian eggs actually be healthier, since they're produced by hockey playing chickens? And would the yolks be better for us if we smoked them? 

You think it's hard dealing with change in long-term care? I'm telling you it's nothing compared to what these alleged “scientists” have done to my breakfast, an egg-based ritual I've been perfecting for decades. Imagine if regulators took your computers away and demanded that you chart by writing in charcoal on the back of a shovel. Unless your name is Abe Lincoln, I believe you'd find it difficult to cope with. And so will I.

But this isn't just about me. The implications for providers are likely to be significant. You'll soon need to create dedicated egg-free areas in your facility, to minimize the health risks of inhaling second-hand yolks. Savvy, risk-averse administrators will put a warning on every omelet, and require a signed waiver absolving them of all responsibility. And egg-per-resident ratios will become as important as staffing.

Not to mention the expense of all those new “Thank you for not yolking” signs.

Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, who cobbles these pieces together from his secret lair somewhere near the scenic, wine-soaked hamlet of Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.

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Things I Think

Things I Think is written by longtime industry columnist Gary Tetz, who resides in Portland, OR. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.

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