Providers are from Mars, regulators are from Venus

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Gary Tetz
Gary Tetz

More than 100,000 desperate folks wish to move to Mars and never come back. They've even paid an application fee, so they must be serious.

When I saw the CNN.com headline about the Mars One project, questions roved the lifeless, cold and cratered landscape that passes for my mind. Will I like those people? When do we leave? How long will we have to wait for a Starbucks? And who's going to provide long-term care on the Red Planet?

The $6 billion Mars One venture aims to establish a permanent human settlement in 2023. If you're one of the lucky four applicants chosen for the approximately 34 million mile trip, you'll leave in November of 2022 and arrive at your new home in April of 2023. Your cable television installation is scheduled between the hours of 1 and 4 p.m. on March 14, 2037, so make sure you're at home.

For the bold long-term care entrepreneur who has successfully mastered earth-bound regulation, litigation, staffing and profitability, this is an opportunity you shouldn't dismiss. By the way, I'm actively seeking investment partners, and am already creating the marketing materials for our flagship property—VolcaniCare at Olympus Mons.

But in the spirit of full and frank disclosure, a venture like this is not for the timid. Meek providers might inherit the earth, but the competition for air and market share is going to be a little more intense on Mars. Insomuch as and therefore, I can't be expected to predict your exact return on investment, when your occupancy will reach a sustainable level or when you can expect your first survey visit from the home office on Venus.

What I can promise is that stressed-out providers operating on Mars will feel a great weight lifted from their shoulders —38%, to be exact. And with the ruins of Earth already being prowled by radioactive wolves, you'll eventually thank me.

Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, who cobbles these pieces together from his secret lair somewhere near the scenic, wine-soaked hamlet of Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.

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Things I Think

Things I Think is written by longtime industry columnist Gary Tetz, who resides in Portland, OR. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.

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