When to hope for a naked intruder

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I've already written about it being a blessing and a curse to work in long-term care because we know so much about aging and what happens to our bodies as we age. And because I know what is happening, there are just some things I really don't want to see. OK, so here's my latest beef.

For years we lived in this great little family community in Maryland. And we had this huge bathroom, Jacuzzi tub, walk in shower, double sinks, sit down vanity, you know, BIG bathroom. (Patience, I AM going somewhere with this.) And this was a community for growing families, not really for older folks. So anyway, one kid moves out, the other goes off to college and we decide to downsize to a new community, but it's an “active adult 55 and up” community. (I married an older guy all right! Not that I put a sign on the door about that or anything. OK, maybe just a little one.) 

So we move into our new home and all I have to say is this.  It is not practical to put a wall-to-wall mirror in the bathroom in a 55-plus community.  There wasn't one in my “young” community. And it is not practical because I was getting in the shower and I accidentally saw my backside! And at first I was like, “Mom?”  Then I realized she was in Florida (on spring break — Grandmas Gone Wild! Sorry about the visual, guys). Then I thought, “Oh, maybe it's someone else's backside. Yes, that has to be it.”

Do you know how desperate you have to be to actually hope there's a naked intruder in the bathroom with you? But that is how badly I did not want to own that backside. I mean, when the heck did that happen? I'm not supposed to see the effects of aging on my buttocks. That's why it's BEHIND me!

Who the heck designed this bathroom? An egocentric 20-something who has no idea about gravity! Totally not fair and once again, I was totally not prepared. Once again, great birth control, only this time I don't want to have sex with me!

So please, people, give me a freakin' break! Get “behind” me in this — pun intended — and think before you design a bathroom or whatever for those of us fighting gravity. There are just some things we'd rather not “reflect” on!

Keeping it real,

Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC — a real life long-term care nurse who is also the director of clinical affairs for the American Medical Directors Association. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. She has not starred in her own national television series — yet.

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The Real Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC, a 2012 APEX Award of Excellence winner for Blog Writing. Vance is a real life long-term care nurse. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. The opinions supplied here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of her employer or her professional affiliates.

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