Happy Birthday, Donald Duck! Your care plan is ready

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Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC
Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC

Donald Duck officially turned 83 years old on Friday, having been “born” in 1934. I have to wonder: If he were in a long-term care facility today, what would his person-centered care plan look like?

I mean the guy never wore pants, like EVER! Do we let him run around the facility pantless? What if he has continence issues? And do we put this under “self-care deficit” or “continence”?

I'm sure we would need a communications plan of care. Even in Donald's younger days, his speech was only semi-intelligible at best. We should probably get an order for speech therapy to help us with those communication issues.

We would definitely need a behavior management plan. He has an abidingly sweet do-gooder side, but Donald Duck is also famous for his temperamental personality. Do our behavior-monitoring forms have a checkmark for faces going red and then sailor hats blowing off? Probably not, but let's hope no one orders any antipsychotics. The last thing we need is a duck on drugs! (Just say no, sir!)

I also hope we have a great antibiotic stewardship program. We wouldn't want to see poor Donald get a case of resistant Duck Itch. (Look it up. It's a real thing!)

Oh, and who would be his responsible party? He never married Daisy (just strung her along for many of those 83 years, poor dear). He does have three blood relative nephews but just thinking about dealing with those mischievous hooligans gives me “goose pimples.” (Near-pun intended!)

OMG! I just realized it could be worse — what if it were Goofy? (He turned 85 in May.)

Just keeping it real,

Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC, an APEX Award of Excellence winner for Blog Writing. Vance is a real life long-term care nurse. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. She has not starred in her own national television series — yet. The opinions supplied here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of her employer or her professional affiliates.

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The Real Nurse Jackie

The Real Nurse Jackie is written by Jacqueline Vance, RNC, CDONA/LTC, a 2012 APEX Award of Excellence winner for Blog Writing. Vance is a real life long-term care nurse. A nationally respected nurse educator and past national LTC Nurse Administrator of the Year, she also is an accomplished stand-up comedienne. The opinions supplied here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of her employer or her professional affiliates.

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