Gary Tetz

Are you satisfied with your life? I’m not, and I barely know you. So in this festive Christmas holiday month, it seems like the perfect time to figure out how to make your existence more mirth-filled and meaningful.

You work in long-term care, so we all know that government largess via the welfare state on behalf of the entitled elderly and undeserving poor has made you very, very wealthy. * That’s a given.

We also know, courtesy of some controversial research, that rich folks are statistically more likely to be happy, and that spending some of that money on others just might enhance that happiness to the point where you could end up positively giddy with joy.

That’s where the choices come in, and I’ll admit they can be confusing, especially at Christmas during the holidays. Case in point, the notion of buying each employee a copy of Sarah Palin’s new book, “Good Tidings of Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas.” It might be the perfect weapon in the “War on Christmas,” and they’d almost certainly be inspired and grateful for your generosity. Enhanced happiness achieved.

Except that you’d be participating in the commercialization of this sacred holiday, and to prevent being sued for promoting religion in the workplace, you’d also need to include copies of “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. This could get expensive quick, especially if you throw in a Kindle and some Christmas holiday spices. Enhanced happiness compromised.

Here’s another example that’s just as conflicted but not so hypothetical. It’s not hypothetical at all, actually. You could join your employees in raising money for children’s’ gifts and transporting them to the Ronald McDonald House, or perhaps devote time and resources to make sure all your residents have a present under the Christmas holiday tree. Or you could enlist them in an angry “War on Christmas” boycott of Macy’s and Radio Shack, and make a big donation to the American Family Association.

You decide. Whichever makes you happier.

*Sar·casm [ˈsär-ˌka-zəm]: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say.

Things I Think is written by Gary Tetz, who cobbles these pieces together from his secret lair somewhere near the scenic, wine-soaked hamlet of Walla Walla, WA. Since his debut with SNALF.com at the end of a previous century, he has continued to amuse, inform and sometimes befuddle long-term care readers worldwide.